Just as a warning, most of my close friends and family are going to be all "What??" when you read this post because this is not "Me" as you know me... Also, to my followers, I promise not everything I post will be religious and Christian, but it will sneak its way into my writing now and again, and also it will sometimes delibrately be put there. But just know that this is all new to me and I'm hardly going to start beating you over the head with my pink bible, ok?
For my friends who are joining me from facebook and beyond, I probably never seemed like much of a "Christian." You know, the ones who regularly post about praying, the ones who say "PTL!" etc in every post that delivers good news. And you know, you'd be right. I would always say that I believed in Something. I new that this couldn't be it. Our lives on Earth are shorter than a blink of an eye when compared to the Universe. We talk about the Purpose of Life like it's a huge mystery, but I always thought that the Purpose of Life was to be a genuinely good person so that you could "move on" when you died. But you'd never catching me admitting or claiming to be a Christian.
So a couple weeks ago, a good acquantance from high school posted on facebook about a book called Mere Christianity by CS Lewis, and about how he was "blowing her mind". This intrigued me. I wanted to believe in Christianity, but my logical mind always shot it down once I started thinking about how unlikely it all is. I wanted to belive in the whimsical, beautiful, peaceful kingdom that is heaven. I wanted to believe in a doting and heavenly father. I wanted to believe in beautiful, fearsome angels. But how in the world does that work?? So I made a trip to the library, picked up Mere Christianity, and dove in. After a few chapters, it was apparent I wasn't going to give up on my Quest for Belief, so finished the whole thing. I suppose it's safe to say that I devoured it. And during my literary gluttony, I came to a realization.
Good behaviour + good intentions + belief in Something More + belief in some kind of beautiful afterlife = the basics of Christianity withoug realizing it. That's exactly what I've been saying I just didn't know what it was called!
Thomas Jefferson, I am a Christian! Or at least I've found that I want to be. I consider myself in training. And I really have Leah (my facebook friend) and CS Lewis to thank. He just made sense to me. I've found that I believe it. And I'm shocked to be saying that. I spent my whole childhood lookng for the most magical and beautiful "religion" to follow. As a tween, I was all about goddesses and fairies. Then once I was too grown up for that I started just sort f shrugging my shoulders when someone would ask what I beleiev in. "I don't know, something" was my reply.
Our family never went to church. We were more of a sleep-all-weekend-and-watch-cartoons kind of family. And when your the daughter of an catholic-turned-evangelist-turned-hippie-turned-sannyasin (look it up) and a daughter of a high-school-drop-out-just-looking-for-love-sannyasin, you're brought up in what's called a Free Thinking Environment. (which don't get me wrong, I LOVE free thinking. It's progress, you know?) But all I'm saying is that growing up, I was ever introduced to traditional Jesus and traditional God. I never had the teaching. I was home schooled in that aspect. I was taught that Jesus and God were everywhere and everything, which I suppose is still correct but it was more like how you knew that air is everywhere. Yeah, great. It's air. I need it, I like it, but I never think about it.
Anyway, I've started this new blogging project to document my adventure into God. It's incredibly theological of me, I know. But I've found that I'm interested, and I want this. And I've finally learned that I wasn't ready before. It's true when they say that people can only change if they want to. If you're a drunk you have to WANT sobriety to be sober, you have to want to quit. It doesn't matter how much someone else wants you to change, you have to want to change yourself. And the same applies here to me.
So the next book I'm reading is The Jesus I Never Knew by Philip Yancey. So I'll be posting as I feel so inclined about that. :)
Also, I've been visiting this blog called God and Stuff, so if you're interested, check it out!